


Turn Around

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, Episode related: S2p2, M/M, None - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:03:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair's back from the dead, and Jim has something on his mind.<br/>This story is a sequel to I'm Here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turn Around

**Author's Note:**

> Looks like the 'real' story I was going to do on J/B post SenToo is being wrung out of me in a different way than I had planned. But Jim wanted a shot, and turnabout's fair play. So, here is another possibility that grew up enough to stand on its own. Has spoilers for Dead End on Blank Street, SenToo2, and some other eps.

## Turn Around

by JC

Author's webpage: <http://www.skeeter63.org/jayci/>

Author's disclaimer: The characters from the TV series "The Sentinel" are not my property, and I am not making money off of them. That's all I have to say.

* * *

TURN AROUND by J.C. 

Every time I turn around... he's there. 

I'm standing here, taking deep breaths, listening to the banter as he and Simon walk away. Taking slow, deep breaths, because about four years of living and learning have just slammed into me full force. From behind. Because I've always been too stubborn, too uptight, too afraid, too _something_ to just turn around. 

Suddenly, it's hard to even breathe. 

They're saying that I'll get over it. Sandburg is joking, "Maybe not today..." Well, I'm already over it. Hell, I was never really under it. I was just running again. Running headlong into a case, straight back into my past, because somehow it seemed easier to chase after the one who got away, than to turn around and see the one who was always there. 

I mean, shit, he had almost gotten away, too. And the ten years that separated Veronica and I, complete with all the lies and betrayal, seemed like child's play when compared to the _months_ of hell that had gotten between me and my partner. 

I should probably let you in on something, and maybe backtrack a little. 

I'm in love with Blair Sandburg. And he is... was... well, maybe still could be in love with me. I've been afraid to test those waters. 

If he hadn't almost died, it would be kinda funny. 

That after all those years of edging forwards, bumping into each other, backing off, sometimes taking alternate paths of thought to end up at the same place, always together, always closer to the point where we would _be_ together - that it was a woman who came between us. 

And not one that he wanted, or one that I wanted, but still one that had a trigger for us both. Heightened senses. And he being the academic expert, and me being the living embodiment did _not_ prepare us for that. 

For years, he had been hanging on, just waiting for me to catch up. I knew that. How we felt wasn't the problem, it was more about how I _felt_ about how we felt. I appreciated the fact that he could work with me on that one. I loved him for riding it out with me. 

I got used to the idea that I could take my time with it. Definitely took things a little for granted. Time is like money. You don't worry about it when you think you have it in abundance, but as soon as it starts to run out... 

I have the bad habit of boxing things up. 

If it had just been about my senses, his Guide to my Sentinel, it would have been a snap. If it had just been about friendship, the closeness that comes from being partners the way cops are, it would have been a breeze. Even, I think, if it had been about meeting some guy that I wanted bad enough to take home to hit the sheets with, I've been there, done that, piece of cake. 

But present me with that triple threat combination, bundle it up and dress it in flannel and denim, and it took almost four years for me to get my head completely around it. Didn't have a box big enough, or an appropriate label. 

And it took a crazy man whispering about whispers to make me see that I had spent enough time dicking around on the issue, but I finally got it. And I almost had him. 

After accepting my feelings for him, and realizing that he felt the same way, and coming to terms with the idea of how those feelings might be received by those outside the island that was our apartment, after _years_ of getting _close_ , along comes somebody else with heightened senses. 

Alex Barnes. Female Sentinel. _Criminal_. With her head and her life _so_ twisted, it seems like it took no effort at all for us to become tangled up with her. And truthfully, I guess it didn't. Sandburg had a new subject to throw into his dissertation pot - not too hard to capture his interest concerning that. As for me, I slipped so quickly into primal instinct mode, I didn't know what hit me. 

That's part of the problem. I _didn't_ know what hit me. Some truly messed up things went down, results of my actions and my words, and I was helpless to control them. Blair almost died. I brought him back, and I get some satisfaction out of that, but it doesn't change the before or the after. 

And the horrible truth is that I can apologize till I'm blue in the face. I can wish I could take back this and undo that. But I think that no matter how many times I could turn back the clock, things wouldn't change. I know he doesn't understand that. Doesn't truly get the _strength_ of that basic, elemental force. I know I didn't, until I lived through it. 

Eighteen months in the jungles of Peru were a walk in the park compared to me and Alex crossing paths. 

From the moment that prickly sensation crawled up my spine, zipped through my senses, and settled in my gut, I was six feet of reaction, before I even knew what it was all about. 

Alex slinking into my domain had me antsy, and her rubbing elbows with my partner had me crazy. I pulled a _gun_ on Sandburg when he first came home after running into her. Something set off an alarm so strong, I didn't even recognize his presence outside the front door. The more interaction they had, the longer she hung around leaving her distinctive imprint on him, the crazier my reaction. 

I know he still feels that it was as simple as me being pissed off and kicking him out. When really, it was exactly what I said: too many distractions. Something bad was going on, and I couldn't get a handle on it. It was like he had brought her inside the loft, like that spotted jaguar had rolled around on him and his things, let loose a growl, breathing on everything inside my sanctuary. It was only when everything was cleared out, that I could focus on the dark presence _outside_. It's almost easy to see now. 

Another Sentinel was in the area, and it was fucking with my head. 

But that was nothing compared to when it started fucking with my body. 

I know how it must have looked. I could see it in the look on Blair's face. And even though he said it, I don't think he really understood how true it was - something was drawing me home. Alex, too. Put two Sentinels within spitting distance of what could only be termed as Sentinel holy ground, and expect fireworks. Especially when one is not wired quite right, and the other is only hanging onto his guide by a thin thread. 

Going down there was simple enough. I guess with her out of my range, I was a little more rational. Case to make, suspect to apprehend. But those weird impressions that I got from the stuff she had touched, should have given me a clue that we weren't quite free of each other yet. Still, cop mode felt _wonderful_ after seeing what Sentinel-man had done running amok through my life. 

Simple. Go to Sierra Verde. Retrieve nerve gas. Take suspect into custody, and get satisfaction from nailing the person that had tried to kill one Blair Sandburg. Simple, but far from easy. 

Fucking on the beach was nowhere on my agenda, but it became almost the foremost thing on my mind. I couldn't control it, Blair couldn't help me, and Alex was trying to use it for her own twisted agenda. 

I thought Sandburg would realize how strong the pull was and how it had nothing to do with Alex herself. I mean, we didn't even _like_ each other. It wasn't about the crazed woman who had tried to kill him. It was an instinct as old as time. Going home to spawn. It's got to be some kind of phenomenal event. In this day and age, to have two people who are genetically hooked up to be Sentinels, and physically compatible to mate, standing in the Temple of Light. Definitely doesn't happen everyday. 

If it didn't hurt him to think about it, I'm sure he'd find a paper in there somewhere. 

How do you get past something like this? 

That's the $64,000 question. The timer's ticking. Feel free to buzz in. 

Somehow it seemed improper or inappropriate to come back and go where I _wanted_ to go. Where a few nights thinking about whispers had finally directed me. It seemed arrogant. Why would he even be interested anymore? In his eyes I had fucked up bad, plus he had almost died, and somehow saying that I was finally ready seemed _way_ out of line. 

Back to square one. 

Except I was starting over with a different Blair. Post-fountain Blair was a bit on the _spirited_ side. He had always had a lot to say, but this was... different. Like he thought he had to make a place in the world for himself again, over and over. 

When he was in the hospital, I had a talk with Simon and the guys. I asked them not to hover over him, fussing and fawning. I wanted him to be able to go about his life like normal. I figured normal was good compared to the bizarro world we had just come through. I didn't want people making him feel like he was under a microscope, Cascade's version of a curiosity, like a cloned sheep. I know what it's like to feel like a freak. He'd had enough of crazy, I wanted him to have a little ordinary. 

Maybe after a near-death experience, there isn't such a thing as ordinary. 

But, when Simon didn't argue about it, everyone else went along. I'm sure it was hardest for me anyway. I don't think I've ever been more in tune with my partner, or tried so hard to act detached. After his run-in with Alex, it was too hard not to lock onto his signature impressions. But I was afraid of crowding him, doing all of the hovering, fussing over things I warned everybody else about. Making him feel like he had to get away from me just so he could breathe. I had nightmares about him saying he just had to go out for a walk, get some fresh air, and he would just keep on walking... 

We were going along relatively fine like that, living that altered version of Ellison-Sandburg life, and I tried not to worry about his attitude, even though I had to tell him to cool it more than once. This version of normal was actually pretty bizarre itself, but he was here, and I felt that was more than I had a right to expect. 

Then, all of a sudden he was _more_ here. I mean, every time I turned around he was _right there_. I could have sworn I heard him whispering sometimes. He didn't yell, he didn't push, he was just _there_. And my senses were having a field day. Until all I could think about whenever he was near me was how much I wanted to kiss him. How much I wished I had kissed him long before all of this, long before Alex, long before Gabe tried to clue me in, long before so many things. Especially long before I had that taste in my head. The taste of a cold, still Blair, the Blair who had died. 

Kissing him now seemed like crossing a line that was out of bounds for me. So, instead, I found myself kissing an old flame, who was married to an old friend, and that was the simple part. More than out of bounds there - in over my head - and it ended badly. 

Yeah, I know. What else is new? 

Blair was right, I was wrong. Wasn't the first time, and it probably won't be the last. And standing here with taste and death intertwining in my mind, a morbid, flickering slide show flashes through my head: Blair and Veronica, both alive, then not. My mouth on them - kiss of life, kiss of death. 

I decide that what's important is that Blair _isn't_ dead. We both know that we're connected, neither one of us can deny that. I suppose a shared vision is worth a million words. And whatever reasons he has for still being around me, the fact that he _is_ still here shouldn't be wasted. Veronica's leaving here in a body bag - Blair escaped that fate. _Not_ crossing the line suddenly seems depressing, and stupid. 

I take one more deep breath for the road, mind made up, and all at once, my 'Sandburg sense' is tingling. 

I smile into the darkness, 'God, Blair, you're _still_ waiting for me to catch up'. 

"...hey...Jim..." 

I turn around, and he's there. Like always. After everything that's happened, he's still there. And there's no more time for doubts, it's time to just get on with it, and I love him for making it so easy. 

I love him. 

I step closer, and lean down, one hand automatically going to cup his neck, the other lightly fisting the front of his jacket. This might not be the right place, but it's definitely about time. 

So, I kiss him. And he kisses me back. 

And he tastes... sweet... spicy... alive. 

_Alive_. 

We pull apart, and his eyes are incredibly bright as he looks up at me, nodding his head a little. 

My hand is still on the back of his neck, reluctant to stray from the heat and pulse of him as we turn around... finally ready to face the world... together. 

He was right about something else... the water _is_ fine. 

**THE END**


End file.
